You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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