This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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