Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
