God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
