PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
