In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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