I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
