It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
