I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
