the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
