i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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