physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
