yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
