ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
