There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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