Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
