JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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