I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
