if you like me you must not know who I am
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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