You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
