she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
