I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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