did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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