Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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