I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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