His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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