Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
