Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize