I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it was like eating out sand paper
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
