3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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