LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i've created a new STD.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
