Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
