it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
