To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
