Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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