I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
