This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
