His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
