I must be too annoying 4 u.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
