you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
