Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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