Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
