i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
