every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
