I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
