shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
too bad you live with your parents still
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
