You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
