But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
