You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
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I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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