Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
