I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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