All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
