he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
