I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize