eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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