I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
