Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
