I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It was confusing and full of hummus
birth control should be required to get into college
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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