I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
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I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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