god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
