i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
