I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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