You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
