at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
