so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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